i don't like sucking hair
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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