Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
