you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize