the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize