if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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