is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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