I got chris browned last night
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
