When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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