so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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