And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
