He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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