I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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