I think scott just propositioned me for sex
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
