The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
