I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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