i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
