Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
