If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
