At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
