If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
