did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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