theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize