giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
