i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
