5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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