I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Can I color on your dick again?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
