What did we do last night that was yellow?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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