12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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