just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
