i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
