so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
