A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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