Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
