dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize