Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
