Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
