i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
