OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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