Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Sext me about skeletons
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
