K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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