I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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