Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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