I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
