Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
