im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She even gives head with a lisp.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
