i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
