What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
