just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize