I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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