I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize