watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize