I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
