Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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