i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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