Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
