I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
