I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
