I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
