Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
