ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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