i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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