the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
