people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
