you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
