yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
