I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
