my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
