you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I smell like Dick and happiness
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
