Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
