is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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