sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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