dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
