Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
