My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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