Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize
