he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize