# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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