Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
